The Book Corner
by Pr3cIoUs
Summary: Yami's problem was that the list of his relationships contained his friendship with Jou, coffee beans, and books. He just didn't understand people. So it's not surprising that when Yuugi walks into his shop, Yami's in for one hell of a crash course. YxYY.
1. The Inner Romantic is Strong

Disclaimer: The Yu-Gi-Oh! series belongs to Kazuki Takashi, Konami and 4Kids. I take no profit from this story, I just like to mess with the characters for fun.

Summary: Yami's problem was that the list of his relationships contained his friendship with Jou, coffee beans and books. He just didn't understand people. So it's not surprising that when Yuugi walks into his shop, Yami's in for one hell of a crash course. YxYY.

**AN:** Right, hello! It's been ages, I haven't updated anything since 'Stakeout' and wow, that was December! I have actually, finally, finished my degree, just waiting for results now. But now I have that amazing thing called free time! It's an awesome thing that so hopefully there will be a lot more writing. This story is something I actually started about two years ago now, heavily inspired by Dylan Moran and _Black Books_, it doesn't follow any of the shows plot (if you could call what they have in the show plot instead of what it actually is, a huge pot full of awesome crazy) and Yami basically just has some of Bernard's characteristics. The characters in this are English! Yes, I have made them English. I've done it before and I will probably do it again. Also, Yuugi is the top in this. Because it's my head-canon now! Have you _seen_ him in GX? That man is ripped! Guh!

This was meant to be a birthday present for **Auster** last year, it just never happened. I'm sorry about that, **Auster**, but I've become obsessed with this once more, so worry not! Also, I hope you guys love this as much as I do, seriously, this is like my baby and I love it.

* * *

Chapter One: 

The Inner Romantic is Strong with This One

The smell of musty books surrounded Yami as he sat behind the counter of the small independent bookshop. He adjusted his thin-rimmed glasses before flipping the page of the hardback novel in his hand.

"Sir, I'd –"

Yami tried to ignore the chattering person by his ear, almost succeeding until the person touched his arm. He sighed, glaring at the man from behind his spectacles before taking a peek at the title of the book. Yami scoffed. He reached onto the floor and put a sign on the counter, carefully positioning it so the customer could see the printed letters on it.

_Counter closed – Go away_

Yami returned to his book, trying to get lost in the words only for the person to bother him once again. Yami rolled his eyes in exasperation. Tilting his head slightly, he looked at the man, not even trying to hide any of his frustration as he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yes?"

"Sir, it's just that there aren't any other counters, this one is the only one in the whole shop! I just want to buy this book."

Yami reached for his cigarettes, quickly opening the pack and putting the white, cylinder shaped object in his mouth. He patted his pocket for his lighter, sighing in relief when he felt the cold metal through his jeans. Bringing it up to his lips, the lighter burned furiously and lit up his eyes temporarily, making them glow with just as much fire. Inhaling deeply, Yami scowled at the person.

"Then you're just going to have to wait until I'm off my break, yes?"

"This is the worst service I've ever had. And honestly, _smoking_ inside a bookshop!"

Yami smirked, "My shop, my rules. If you don't like it, go to a proper bookshop."

And just because the man had pissed him off, Yami blew smoke in his face. He took great satisfaction in the way the man's nostrils flared in anger, slammed the book down and turned on his heal and left his shop with a resounding slam and chime from the bell above the door.

Yami stood up, carefully putting his book aside, he grabbed onto the book left by the man. He sneered at the title.

"How did you even get in here?" Yami spoke to the book with intense disgust lining his voice. With the cigarette hanging from his lips, Yami moved to the dustbin, dumping the so called novel into it. He took a deep drag from the cigarette, and grinned evilly when he saw his leftover yogurt smear the cover and pages.

The bell above the door distracted Yami from his daydream of spreading different types of milk products on all of Dan Brown's horrendous creations. He turned to glare at the new potential customer, only for it to falter when he saw who it was.

Oh, it was _him_. Yami quickly turned back around, fixing his hair in the reflection of the dusty window and debated taking off his glasses, until he realised he would probably look more foolish bumping into things and talking to the plant rather than his favourite customer without the glasses.

Though 'favourite customer' would imply that he actually liked any of the other people that frequented his shop, which was not so. Their choices in books were so idiotic. He wished he could just keep the books he wanted rather than what they bought but he liked his apartment and didn't fancy the idea of living in a box, where his roommate was an oversized rat that ate better than him, mostly because it was feasting on his toes.

Turning around once again, finding himself presentable enough, he strode to the counter. Yami saw the taller man in his favourite part of the store. It was filled with early editions, all hardbacks, all classics, and all of Yami's favourites. The man (Yami still didn't know his name) would always pick a book from there. Yami had been besotted ever since he had brought an earlier edition of _Crime and Punishment_ to the counter and had flashed him a bright smile as Yami bumbled over his words.

Yami waited impatiently at the counter. He stubbed out the remainder of his cigarette and played with the lighter that was left on the counter, flicking it open repeatedly. So nervous was he, that he didn't realise the man was now waiting for his attention.

He glanced up only to see violet eyes staring at his sign in amusement, Yami felt his face heat up as he sheepishly moved the sign out of the way and onto the floor once more.

Yami felt his knees go weak when he saw the title of the book. Oh, scrap that, he almost came on the spot.

"That's a good book you have there."

The man smiled and fondly ran two fingers along the thick spine.

"Great book. One of my favourites too, so I decided to treat myself to an early edition."

Yami had to have this man. He bit his lip.

"Would you –" Losing his nerve, he cut himself off with a cough and smiled tightly, "I'll just ring this up for you."

Waiting for the receipt to print, Yami sneaked a glance at the man, surprised to see him staring at him unashamedly.

"Would you like to have coffee sometime?"

Yami was sure he looked very unattractive with the way he was gaping at the man.

"Y-yeah, yes! Coffee, coffee's good, I like coffee. Love it actually, it's great. And I'm going to shut up now." Yami clamped his lips shut. And felt a blush rise to his cheeks again when the man laughed lightly at his ramblings.

"You're cute. I'm Yuugi."

A name! He finally knew his name. Yuugi held out his hand and Yami hesitantly put his in the cupped hand, feeling the soft, pleasant warmth coming from it and spreading all the way into him like some sort of chemical reaction. His inner cynic all but kicked his inner romantic for that thought.

"I-I'm Yami." He stuttered again, increasing the blush by what felt like ten-fold.

"Yami," The name rolled off Yuugi's tongue with ease, as if he had said a million times before and Yami's already weak legs almost gave out when his name slipped through sensuous lips, his eyes connecting with Yami's intensely. With Yami's hand feeling pleasantly warm in Yuugi's, and the prolonged eye contact, Yami wondered if this is what people called 'a moment', and if it was, he also wondered if he could extend it until the end of time.

"Shall I come by at eight? We can go for dinner instead."

Yami choppily nodded his head in agreement, too breathless to actually say anything.

He saw Yuugi smirk, his mauve eyes darkening.

"I can't wait." Yuugi gave his hand a squeeze, something he felt down to the tips of his toes, before letting go.

Yami stood there in shock, whole body tingling from a hand squeeze, barely registering the wink the man gave as a goodbye. He came out of his stupor, however, when the bell echoed across the room. He quickly turned his head, trying to capture Yuugi's body in his vision once more, only seeing fluttering coat tails before the door closed.

He couldn't wait either.

* * *

Yami puffed quickly and continuously on the cigarette, large streams of smoke twirled around his head before disappearing into the quickly growing stale air around him. His strides were smooth and quick as he paced in front of the counter, pausing only to tap away the trail of ash into the overflowing ashtray.

Why was he so nervous? It wasn't like he hadn't had a date before. Wait... was it even a date?

Yami paused his pacing, looked at the counter and snatched the half-drunk glass of wine from its surface, gulping the rest of the liquid down.

It could just be a dinner, it could just be a friendly dinner. But the hands and the touching and the eye-fucking; it had to mean _something_.

Yami whimpered. God, he was so confused. Give him books and he was in his element, they were his people. The words weaving, creating worlds and situations that were so similar to life and yet so displaced from it was something Yami could actually wrap his head around; give him strangers and he'd be able to mock them with the best of them, he didn't do well with actual _real _people (Jounouchi wasn't a real person in his mind) but give him romantic relationships and he was entirely hopeless.

He puffed on the cigarette, trying to calm his ever increasing nerves. He grabbed the bottle on the counter and gulped another mouthful of red wine down. He needed to be smashed before his 'date' arrived. He'd be much more docile that way, no snappy remarks or nervous twitches! Though... he'd probably jump Yuugi the first chance he got if he was off his face. So tipsy, then! Tipsy worked! But either way he wasn't going sober! Sober, around someone he actually liked, would probably lead to Yami choking on his words and by the end of the night he would wish that he had choked on a piece of dinner instead because of the embarrassment he would feel of not being able to speak to his... _companion_.

Yami stubbed out his fifth cigarette of the night and pulled at the hair he had meticulously prepared an hour earlier, making his hairstyle spike out in even more directions than it did usually.

He had too many thoughts at the moment, ricocheting every which way in his mind, making his empty stomach churn wildly and bringing the beginning of a migraine to his already swimming head.

Yami sat heavily on the chair by the counter, setting the bottle on it. He inhaled deeply through his nose and held it in. The exhale of air was almost explosive but it left Yami with a relaxed feeling. His eyes glazed over behind his glasses as he stared at the row of books.

"Maybe I should take him a book. He likes books. And I can't stand roses, so clichéd... but he asked me out, he should get me something, right? Wait, am I the girl here?" Yami narrowed his eyes in thought, he wiped his clammy hands against his black trousers and he gulped, "I feel like a girl." He sneered at nothing in particular before deepening his voice and grunting, "Not a girl, all cock here."

Yami's straight posture deflated pathetically like a balloon against the counter. Resting his head against the smooth, cool surface, the glass and metal of his spectacles clinking against it, he said, "Still feel like a girl."

"Right Yami, you will not fuck this up. You'll try and act more normal than usual. Just, you know, make polite conversation and don't go into why squirrels should have the right to vote on the light pollution laws. Yeah, oh God, don't even go into Mother, no one needs to know about _that_. And why are you talking to yourself again? You've finally lost what little mind you have left, haven't you?" Yami paused, frowning at the counter, "Lovely."

Yami was just about to contemplate the killing of himself in his own crazy or bashing his head repeatedly into the counter and letting Jounouchi take care of him for the rest of their lives when there was a knock at the door, followed directly by it being opened.

The sound of the bell above the door rung ominously through the shop.

Yami scrambled from his perch on the end of the chair, almost tripping over his own feet in the struggle to stand. He faced the entrance of the shop with what he hoped was a stunning smile and not a look of utter constipation, his smile froze when he was presented with the picture of male perfection.

Yuugi was standing there in an immaculate suit, the dress jacket and trousers hugged his form, showing off what, really, had to be a body that Yami would sacrifice himself to a volcano to touch. The white Oxford shirt had the top two buttons undone, giving Yami a peek of the suicidal-thought-inflicting chest.

Oh, dear Lord almighty... Yami bit his lip as he blatantly ogled the man that was taking him to dinner. Why did this man ask _him_ out again? What was wrong with Yuugi? Something had to be wrong with him if he was asking _Yami_ out.

Yami frowned and looked down at his outfit. He didn't think he was dressed appropriately in his casual white button-down long-sleeved shirt and trousers.

He ran an unsure hand over the front of his shirt, picking at invisible lint as if that would suddenly make his attire that tiny bit smarter.

Yuugi was giving him a look of expectation, making Yami realise that he had been staring at the man for what seemed like an age.

He smiled shakily and gave an awkward little wave, "Hi."

The breathtaking smile he received in return almost made Yami give into a sudden need to sit down, just to stop his legs from shaking and his heart to stop beating like it was about to do a fast Salsa on the shop floor.

Yuugi came and stood in front of him, the smile had yet to leave, making his amethyst eyes sparkle intensely, "For a second there, I thought there was something wrong with what I was wearing." He casually slipped a hand into his trouser pocket and leaned his hip against the counter.

"Um, no, you look..." Yami trailed off on the thought of '_lickworthy_' and twiddled with his fingers distractedly, surreptitiously inhaling Yuugi's scent, "But I think there might be something wrong with what I'm wearing, I didn't know where we were going so I went for smart-casual." Yami paused, bit his lip and offered, "I can go change, I live right down the street, it wouldn't take long at all."

"Why would you need to change? You look gorgeous." Yuugi said boldly.

Yami almost choked on his tongue, he coughed into his hand and smiled slightly through his bright fringe up at the taller man, "Y-you do too."

Yuugi's smile sharpened, his eyes darkening, he licked at his bottom lip almost absentmindedly and seemed to trace his face, Yami's body flushed with desire.

"Shall we go then? We have reservations for half-past."

"Yes, let's go."

Yami moved to start out the door without Yuugi but he almost lost the ability to function his legs when the other man slipped a hand to the small of his back and escorted him out of the bookshop.

As Yami locked the shop up, the feel of Yuugi's hand almost burnt a hole through the cotton shirt he was wearing and only the thoughts of how _interesting_ this night was going to be fluttered through his mind.

* * *

**AN**: Oh my God, I really hope you enjoyed that because I'm really nervous right now. This is my first proper chaptered thing. *Is dying a little*. Right, as you can see, I have made Yami a bit of a twitchy thing, I like them twitchy, I'm sorry. Also, yes, I would never condone smoking in a bookshop, I mean it's a bookshop! And those are early editions! It's like blasphemy! Or maybe I'm just crazy and have no idea how things work. Let's ignore that. Anyway, yes, this will be continued soon. I really hope you enjoyed it and OMG! Guess what? There's actually some sort of plot in this thing. SCORE!

**Review, my peeps! **


	2. To Be, or Not To Be a Basket Case?

Disclaimer: The Yu-Gi-Oh! series belongs to Kazuki Takashi, Konami and 4Kids. I take no profit from this story, I just like to mess with the characters for fun.

Summary: Yami's problem was that the list of his relationships contained his friendship with Jou, coffee beans and books. He just didn't understand people. So it's not surprising that when Yuugi walks into his shop, Yami's in for one hell of a crash course. YxYY.

**AN:** A chapter, awesome, right? Considering I was a literature student for three years and watch _entirely_ too much TV to be safe, it took _way_ too long to figure out a chapter title for this.

It has come to my attention, because I completely forgot, that the word 'fag' may cause some people to... freak out. Well, I'm British so it doesn't quite mean the same thing for me as it does to the Americans out there. 'Fag' = cigarettes for most British people.

On with the story!

* * *

Chapter Two: To Be, or Not To Be a Basket-Case?

Yami stared out the car window, subtly wringing his hands on his lap to stop himself from pressing the little button beside him manically. There just wasn't any air in the car. He breathed in deeply but, he hoped, silently. Maybe he could interrupt Yuugi's small talk to ask if he could open the window or, hey, even the door, if it wasn't too much trouble. There just didn't seem to be any air. It wasn't that he didn't find Yuugi's attempts at conversation interesting it was just... cars really didn't fit anywhere in Yami's life. The only times he got into a car was when he was drunk and usually he was too pissed to care about the ride home. His Vespa really was a godsend; it was free and satisfying and, most importantly, there was always air!

He hummed absentmindedly at Yuugi's observations on the weather.

Yami paused. His panic coming to a sudden halt.

Had he actually let the conversation drift to the freaking weather? Oh, God.

Taking a deep breath and ignoring his screaming brain (_Car! Why are we in a car?_), "So, where are we going?"

Yuugi seemed surprised at his question, making Yami cringe at how he had been acting. Yuugi gave him a look, quickly taking his eyes off the road to flash him a grin, Yami's insides clenched and had to bite his lip from screaming, "Eyes! Eyes on the road!" at his date.

"We're going to this Italian restaurant I know. I think it's nice, everyone likes Italian, right?"

"Yeah, I like Italian. It's... great."

Yami's head snapped right back to looking out the window, making a face at the slight reflection. _It's great? _Was he mentally deficient or something? He closed his eyes. This was not going well at all, he was usually more eloquent than this, couldn't he just get something out? Anything! Turning in his seat to get a better look at Yuugi's face, Yami blurted the first thing that came into his mind:

"Do you like London?"

Yuugi gave a sort of noncommittal weird head wiggle that Yami's inner cynic refused to find adorable, "Sort of. I like it because it's home and family's close by but," Yuugi narrowed his eyes slightly at something unseen to Yami, "too crowded, too loud. I mean it's not like I need it for my job or anything. I think I mostly stay for the shops though."

"Couldn't you find the same shops somewhere else? Somewhere less crowded and quieter? I mean, I hear there's a Primark on every corner of the world now. "

Yuugi gave Yami a side-ways look with a small grin before turning a corner just passing Marble Arch, "Well, I can't find _all_ of them."

Yami flushed at the implication, his inner romantic swooned and passed out and even his inner cynic scuffed his toe almost bashfully.

He was entirely too busy in his 'Yuugi is Amazing World', where Yuugi was king and made Yami his love slave, to realise that Yuugi had pulled up in front of what looked to be quite an expensive restaurant. He felt the need to glare a bit over his glasses at his imagined king at the clear lie that he was wearing appropriate clothing, but instead gave him an expectant look.

Yuugi smiled. Yami melted. No one spoke. Inner Cynic, on the way to kick Inner Romantic (who had since awoken from his passed out mess) away from drawing hearts with Yami and Yuugi's name in them on the mental walls of Yami's mind, drawled: _awkward._

Yami gnawed his lip and watched Yuugi's eyes drop to them instantly, a car horn, however, broke the moment and made them both jump.

Yuugi licked his lips and waved at the car behind him to wait a moment, "Just wait outside while I park the car, it's just around the corner and it seems a bit unfair to make you walk back with me. Have a cigarette while you wait, I'll be back in about five minutes."

Yami blinked. And stared for what was probably entirely too long. Not his fault, his mind had just decided to short-circuit at Yuugi's absentminded-lip-licking gesture. Yami nodded and decided to get out of the car, he was sure that Yuugi said something about a fag and Yami could really do with one of those right now, he replied with a distracted, "Okay," before getting out of the car.

Yuugi gave him a smile and a wave before speeding down the road and disappearing around the corner.

Yami paused and breathed in as deeply as he could and thanked the fucking Lord for fresh air. Or as fresh as it got in London.

_Right_, Yami thought, _enclosed spaces (in this instance a car, and oh my God, why a car?) plus guy of my dreams equals rush of white hot panic_. Good to know he wasn't going to get laid with Yuugi because of his fantastically crazy brain.

Yami looked down at himself and smoothed down the wrinkles from his shirt and his trousers self-consciously, pushing his glasses up his nose out of habit and biting his bottom lip nervously, more sure now than ever that he was not dressed appropriately for the night. He took out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and fiddled with it for a second, turning it over in his hand whilst he jumped on the spot for a bit to warm up. Mid-May though it was, and even though they were in the South, it was definitely not hot.

Turning the packet of cigarettes around, Yami sneered when he was assaulted with the large warning of: 'Smoking when pregnant may harm your baby' in dark, block writing of doom. Well, unless Yami had grown a womb in the past hour, had not realised, and was now somehow blessed with a God's new son, he thought he was good for the fag. Propping one on his lips, Yami quickly lit the end of the cigarette, inhaling deeply and counteracting all the fresh air that had just gotten into his lungs.

So. Yuugi was amazing and Yami was a basket case. Yami really didn't think that this dinner would turn out any good. Maybe it would if he, you know, could calm the fuck down.

Just. Calm. Down.

Yami breathed in the smoke, head tipping back as he stared at the cloudy sky, hoping that it wouldn't start raining while he waited for Yuugi to return. Bored, he blew smoke rings into the night air, watching them dissipate only to start the whole process again. Feeling the nicotine affect his body, Yami finally was able to think straighter. _It'll be fine, _thought Yami, _it's just one date. It's not like he's beautiful and amazing and smart and Jesus!_ Yami refused to continue that train of thought before he cancelled out the calming nature of the cigarette.

Yami flicked the butt into the road, watching the dregs burn in the darkness, he thought about lighting up another fag, just on the reason that it would be rather rude to leave mid-meal because the panic set in again.

Yami was fishing another cigarette out of the pack when he saw Yuugi jogging towards him out of the corner of his eye. Yami blinked, had that been him, he would have probably been clutching at the building's wall, out of breath and sweating an ocean but Yuugi, if anything, looked better. In the Baywatch sort of way. Inner Romantic sped through a montage of Yuugi in a bathing suit, wet and running on a glorious beach in slow motion. Inner Cynic sat back watched because _Jesus_, can that man run.

Yami gave his cigarette one last forlorn look before stuffing the cigarette into the pack and then into his trouser pocket. He gave it a pat, to make sure they were there, out of habit and nervousness.

Yami managed to throw Yuugi a smile, however crooked or small. The one he received in return was gorgeous and Yuugi should really stop doing that! How was Yami meant to function around him if he kept saying these wonderful things and looking as good as he did? Logically, Yami knew Yuugi was amazing and it was a big step up from some of the guys that had been interested in him before so he shouldn't complain. But because Yami was, mostly, irrational and illogical and high-strung and a bunch of other crap that only Jounouchi and his ex-therapist knew he decided that Yuugi had to have one massive flaw, if not this was not going to work.

He just had to find it first.

"Are you all right?"

Yami's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little nervous about… the food." He cringed, adjusting his glasses and staring towards the front doors of the restaurant. "I've just never been here before."

"Oh, don't worry about that. The chef here is amazing." Yuugi winked at him playfully like it was some sort of secret before steering him towards the doors.

Walking in Yami tried not to blatantly stare at the beautifully designed décor, and let the general air of chic disturb him. This was one of _those_ restaurants, he realised. The ones with the small portions and the large price tag. Where the people had pinched faces, like someone had shoved shit under their noses, and one was shunned if they weren't wearing the latest Dior outfit with matching Armani accessories or whatever.

Yami was confused just a moment later when the maître d', a man of about fifty-five with the bluest eyes Yami had ever seen and greying hair met them with a genuine smile and asked if they had a reservation instead of turning his nose up at Yami's outfit and clear awkwardness like he'd seen in books, films and TV shows.

Yami cast a confused stare around the place. Maybe he should stop watching so much TV. Still, however much TV Yami had watched didn't take away the fact that he was still insecure and a giant ball of crazy-mess.

It was only until the maître d' showed them to their table that Yami calmed down somewhat; there were families in this restaurant. That meant kids, which meant messes, which meant from Saville Row their clothes were not! Oh, thank God, Yami could breathe easy now. He stopped fiddling with his shirt right at that moment, something he hadn't even realised he was doing, it had just made the once pressed fabric slightly wrinkled. But children, unruly beasts that they were, made it seem fine that his clothes were less than stellar. Oh yes, fuck you for once, Murphy!

The maître d' showed them away from the chattering families and big tables, towards the back of the restaurant where the lighting, the music, the feel seemed softer and the tables quickly turned from sixes to twos. The maître d' smiled as they reached their table, they sat down as he left two menus with them, explaining that a waiter would be there shortly to receive their drink order.

Yami stared at the big, black menu resting on top of the white dining cloth. Shifting in his chair, he glanced up over his glasses. Yuugi was watching him from over his opened menu, smiling softly and a little bit carelessly, like Yami's antics and nervousness were some of the sweetest things he'd ever seen. Yami swallowed harshly, wondering when the waiter would arrive. He could really use a drink right about now.

Yami tried to smile back, pushing his glasses up his nose, he straightened his back and faced Yuugi head on. "This is a really nice restaurant. Beautiful. I like it."

Yuugi's eyes brightened at that, his smile growing, "And wait until you taste the food, you'll like it even more."

Yuugi's eyes drifted away from Yami's when the waiter arrived, breaking eye contact and the moment. Which caused for the calmness that had settled into Yami to dissipate like mist at sunrise.

He quickly picked up his menu, looking for the drinks section and unable to find it on such short notice, before giving up and going for a reliable choice. Yami blinked wide eyes up at the waiter, "House wine, red. In a big glass. Please." He went back to hiding his head behind the larger than normal menu, whispering under his breath, "Lots of wine."

The waiter shifted his body towards Yuugi, "Water, please."

The waiter jotted down the orders and went on his way to, what Yami assumed, was the kitchen.

Yami peaked over the top of his still open menu, his blond spikes scraping the surface and bouncing back into place, "You don't want some wine?"

Yuugi leaned back slightly in his chair and smiled, his cheeks dimpled and Yami's hands trembled in the effort to not touch this man. His inner cynic scowled at him and kicked his inner romantic in the balls, Yami remained unmoved.

"I don't drink. You do though, the differences make things interesting, don't you think?"

Yami mumbled a noncommittal reply and went back to reading his menu, wondering if that was true. He didn't believe that opposites attracted, it seemed the stuff of bad tweeny movies and books. It just wouldn't work in real life, if he had nothing in common with Yuugi apart from their love of books, what were the chances of this_ thing_ passing the point of shagging each other's brains out?

Not that he wanted anything other than shagging really. Because Yami didn't do relationships very well. The times that he had tried had ended… badly. For the two (though sometimes three) people involved.

Yami spied on Yuugi, the man busy reading his menu and fiddling with the elaborately folded napkin to his side. Elegant fingers slowly unravelled the design, folding out the careful creases with a finger, caressing the soft material before starting on another bit of tucked cloth. Yami sat mesmerised as the swan (or what he thought was a swan, though it could have been anything really, Yami wasn't known for his keen knowledge in the art of napkin folding) became a mere piece of cream cloth under Yuugi's dexterous fingers.

How could that man fondle a napkin and make it look hot? Jesus Christ on a bike, Yami was _so_ screwed.

Yami spied the waiter coming towards their table. Oh sweet, merciful alcohol!

The waiter paused at their table, setting down the house red in front of Yami, and pouring a glass of water for Yuugi, leaving the pitcher before scurrying off elsewhere.

Yuugi took a sip of his water, and Yami spied the muscles of his neck shifting as the liquid went down his throat through the open collared shirt.

Yami had yet to touch his glass of wine, he hadn't wanted to seem desperate. All things considered, Yami wasn't _actually_ an alcoholic, he just really liked wine. He decided a full minute of waiting was enough as he took a sip.

"So, Yuugi," Yuugi's head lifted from staring at the menu, "How old are you?"

Yami brought the glass up to his lips, taking a larger gulp of the burgundy liquid as Yuugi responded, "Oh, I'm twenty-five."

Yami proceeded to choke around his mouthful of precious, glorious alcohol. He coughed a little, licking his lips to catch any runaway drops of wine. Yuugi straightened up in his chair, amethyst eyes darkening with concern, Yami waved a dismissive hand in his direction. He was _fine._ He was just _screwed_ but that was _fine._

"Wow, that's… Well, I'm twenty-nine." Which was such a pile of shit, he was thirty-one! Yami smiled brightly, however, and both Inner Cynic and Inner Romantic breathed sighs of relief when Yuugi smiled back.

"Are you ready to order, then?"

Yami wasn't really, but you could never go wrong with chicken so he quickly scanned the menu and decided on the only chicken choice in it that didn't sound entirely poofy.

"Yes, very ready."

Yami shut his menu and put it to the side as Yuugi caught the eye of a nearby waitress, who quickly marched herself over to their table, she already had her pad at the ready when she arrived.

"Ready to order, sirs?"

Yuugi smiled at the pretty woman, and Yami had to squash his reflex reaction of jealousy. He wasn't jealous. He had no right to be jealous. He had nothing to be jealous about, Yuugi was gay… he thought so anyway.

"Yes, I'll be having the fillet of plaice in the olive and tomato sauce." There was a pause as she scratched down his dinner partner's order.

Apparently, a pause too long since Yuugi looked at him expectantly.

"Oh! Uh, I'll have the organic chicken with the seasonal vegetables, please."

"Great choices, sirs." She smiled brightly and all but skipped off towards the kitchen.

Inner Cynic fluttered his eyelashes and adopted a higher voice, '_great choices, sirs', tch. _Inner Romantic puffed up his chest in indignation, _bitch._ Yami rolled his eyes at himself, he could be so unforgiving sometimes.

Yami bit his lip and tried to think of something to say, "Um, do you have any siblings?"

Yuugi nodded his head, "One, Koichi, he's my little brother. Well, not so little anymore, he's at university right now, studying business management, I think. He changes so often, can never quite pin down what he's doing. How about you? You have any annoying brothers or sisters running around?"

"No, haven't got any. Wish I had, though." Yami smirked mischievously, "Would have been nice to terrorise an older brother or younger sister's boyfriends."

"I think they would have driven you insane, if my brother is anything to go by."

Yami chuckled, "Well, I'm already halfway there; they wouldn't have needed to do much."

Yuugi smiled at him, mauve eyes brightening.

Yami's heart fluttered. Honest to God fluttered. He'd thought that it was always clichéd in books, those fluttering hearts and butterflies. Yami always used to think that those people had some serious physical problems. The type that one needed to consult a doctor about; like heart palpitations or stomach ulcers. But here was Yuugi, a man that Yami had been infatuated with for some time, sitting right across from him and smiling. And here was Yami, _fluttering_.

Yami decided to just go over it one more time in case it hadn't sunk in before, _he was so screwed._

_

* * *

_**AN:** Hope you enjoyed it! Well, this perfectly fictitious Italian restraunt takes the exact place of this otherwise real one: http:/ www. locandalocatelli. com / (take the spaces out). I took some artistic liberties with it to fit into the feel of the story plus I've never actually been there so I _had_ to.

Also, this is a commission I got _ages_ ago for this story by KotoriK on DeviantArt: http:/ kotorik. /gallery/#/ d2a423g (again take the spaces out). It's not what I really picture the shop looking like and there's a few keys things missing but it was my first commission ever and it's beautiful in it's own way. Plus doesn't Yuugi look hot? Oh yeah, there's the seme I know he can be! Also, I'm sure by now most Puzzleshippers have found this commission. Well, go look at it again, it's pretty!

Anyway, tell me if you enjoyed it, if you didn't it. Anything to help me with this story. Thanks!

**Review, peeps!**


	3. Live Fungi Free and Die Another Day

Chapter Three: Live Fungi Free and Die Another Day 

_This_ is how Yami had wanted the date to go from the beginning of the night. With Yami laughing as Yuugi told humorous stories about himself and his brother. Not like before, with stilted conversation and nerves. Just some easy back and forth over a story about gel and some mayonnaise and how they came to be 'magically switched' in time for the brother of a certain someone to use said gel.

After the first ten minutes, the date had started to mellow. They'd stumbled over some things, mostly due to Yami's nervousness, but then Yuugi had mentioned a new book release which had broken the ice. It had critics acclaiming it across the country, and considering Yami owned a bookshop and Yuugi frequently shopped there, it was good common ground to start off with. The relationship between the brothers in the book had reminded Yuugi of his own relationship with his own sibling, which made Yami stare at him in amazement, because he'd read that book and the brothers, in the midst of fighting off a conspiracy against their family, were nothing if not complete menaces towards each other.

Yami bit his lip to keep the smile off his face, he was afraid it might stay that way and he'd spend the rest of his life smiling inanely for no reason.

"And he didn't notice?" Yami asked.

Yuugi smirked, and replied, "Not until it was already in his hair."

Yami smiled slightly back, "And what did he do to get you back?"

Yuugi pointed at his hair, "He wasn't the only one obsessed with hair back then. He put bleaching cream in mine. I actually liked what it did so I've kept it ever since, bet he wasn't expecting that. But hey, what are big brothers for if not to thwart little brothers' schemes?"

"Hah, I bet he still glares at your hair every time you see each other."

Yuugi grinned mischievously, "You don't know how close to the truth you are."

Their conversation was interrupted by the waiter with their food; he'd appeared out of no where, like magic, and brought over the glorious smelling food of God. Yami's empty stomach growled softly when his dish was set in front of him.

"It looks really good."

"Just wait until you try it."

Yami picked up his cutlery and dug in, trying not to moan out loud when the cooked-to-perfection chicken hit his tongue. It was soft and gorgeous; the roast vegetables were the right amount of crispness and melt in your mouth beauty. Yami stared at his plate, chewing on the remainder of the food in his mouth before swallowing; he wanted to shag his food.

He looked up to tell Yuugi how right he was about the food to catch Yuugi staring at him intently. Yami's face froze when Yuugi licked a little bit of red sauce from his lips and enquired, "It's good?"

Yami swallowed and with his mouth suddenly very dry, answered, "Um, very."

"Do you want to try the fish?" He asked, already cutting a bite-sized piece, adding more sauce to it with his knife, and presenting it to him carefully over the table, hand under the fork to stop any drops falling onto the nice tablecloth.

Yami licked his lips and leaned forward, his eyes on Yuugi's as he wrapped his lips around the utensil, his eyes fluttered closed when the sauce hit his taste buds. He opened them and moved away from Yuugi's hand, licking any stray drops of sauce from his lips.

Yuugi's mouth had, bottom lip wet from where he'd licked it earlier and was staring at Yami. Yuugi cleared his throat and sped into action again, looking away from Yami and continuing his meal.

He reached for his glass of wine, feeling warm and like his skin was electrified because of the way Yuugi had been looking at him. He gulped down a mouthful, slightly mournful of the taste washing away the beautifully tasting sauce. He cleared his throat also, "So, Yuugi, you know what I do for living." Yami picked up the knife, intending to get back to his food after his question, "But we haven't spoken about what you do."

Yuugi's chewing slowed, as if thinking about something; he swallowed which distracted Yami, as he was wont to do, because Yuugi's neck was more edible than all the food in the restaurant combined. He cut into his chicken breast and brought a forkful into his mouth as to not seem so distracted by the wonderful neck.

Yuugi picked up his glass of water, drinking deeply for a few seconds and licking his lips again. Yami thought he really needed to stop doing that because he would not be held accountable for his actions around this man.

"Ah yes," Yuugi started and stopped.

He seemed to fumble with his words before smiling widely at him, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Yami stilled, unsure. Yuugi'd been completely at ease, completely genuine form the beginning. It turned Yami's stomach a bit to realise that he'd been the one to make Yuugi awkward. Yami scratched the side of his face absentmindedly. Preparing to change the topic of conversation from work. It was the first date; it wasn't as if they were ready to share everything with each other. Yami wasn't bothered. His Inners seemed to stare at him as if he had lost his mind, _not bothered, their figurative arses_.

"It's just that it's a bit, um, but yeah, I work from home."

"Oh, yes, you said that before." Yami paused, "You're not a porn star or something, right?"

Yuugi laughed, genuinely this time, making his eyes crinkle around the edges and making that one dimple appear again to drive Yami insane and making his lungs shiver from breathlessness.

Yuugi smiled softly, answering, "No, not that. I'm –" Yuugi's eyes narrowed in concern, "Are you all right?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," Yami replied confusedly.

"It's just…" Yuugi trailed off and pointed at Yami's head.

Yami made a face at him, because he clearly didn't have the ability to look at his face with no mirror. However, when he was reaching to touch his cheek, he caught sight of his wrist, where the cuff of his shirt had ridden up, exposing a violent red rash.

Yami squeaked, a sound that had escaped him without his desire, and checked his other arm to see that it had spread to there too. "Oh, God, is it on my face too?"

Yuugi nodded quickly, eyes unable to move from his face. Yami's breathing became shallower, and Yuugi snapped into action, moving to the other side of the table and crouching next to Yami, calling over a waiter for whatever reason. Maybe he wanted more water or something, because what the hell was the waiter going to do? He'd thought his breathlessness was because of Yuugi's close proximity and all that other romantic tripe he'd always read about. No, apparently it was because he was ready to die, in a restaurant, because of chicken!

Yuugi had his phone out already when the waiter appeared next to the table, probably having rushed because of the waves of panic that were coming off the table.

"He's having an allergy attack, can – "

Yami tuned out the noise; it had become a vague buzzing in his ears anyway. It was becoming more difficult to breathe by the second and he really hoped Yuugi was handling it because Yami could barely breathe let alone speak to call an ambulance right now. He felt a hand brush the back of his neck, and really hoped that it was his date and not the waiter. He'd really liked the food here before it tried to kill him and he didn't want to have to tell people that the waiter was a molester of innocent people that were having allergy attacks on top of the food of doom.

Yami clutched at the handkerchief on the table, his knuckles turning white as he squeezed the material in his clenching hand. He turned his face towards Yuugi's, whose eyes were wide with trepidation as they scanned his face.

God, Yami could only imagine what he looked like. He probably had snot all over the place and a face double the normal size or something.

Yami bent his head over the table in panic, not paying much attention as his glasses slipped off his nose and onto his plate; he shut his eyes, his vision was blurred anyway, and struggled to breathe.

The buzzing noise in his ears became much louder just as he was jostled from his seating position. It didn't seem very fair that he couldn't die in peace; loud noises, half-blind _and_ movement? It was hell. Why couldn't Yuugi just let him die in his chicken?

The lights suddenly became brighter, the ceiling lamps looking hazy through his blurred vision. He could barely hear, think or see so he was mostly just fucking glad when everything just _stops_.

* * *

Before Yami opened his eyes, he was aware of one thing. He felt like a complete and utter pile of shit. Feeling just like a piece of shit was too good a term for what he was feeling. His throat felt like he had eaten fire with a side of barbed wire, his eyes felt heavy and his body itched. Fuck, he hoped he didn't have an STD.

"Jesus Christ, Jou, what the fuck did I drink last night?" mumbled Yami into his pillow.

Yami opened his eyes before shutting them again in pain. His eyesight was blurred and fuzzy around the edges and there was entirely too much light everywhere.

Yami lifted an arm to scratch the side of his face, it took entirely too much effort and was interrupted anyway by a soft voice, so Yami's hind-brain was all but glad to stop the motion midway as his normal brain panicked about who he had in his room.

"You didn't drink all that much, actually."

He didn't recognise the voice from the top of his recently awoken head, and frankly it wouldn't be the first time he'd woken up next to someone after a night of drinking but it would be the first time that he couldn't remember even one bit of information about the person.

Yami opened his eyes once more and tried to look for his glasses by his bedside table. He almost fell off the bed in his haste and, finally, realised that he was not in a place that looked anything like his bedroom or any normal bedroom at all.

The sterile smell of the area really should have clicked before.

"Jesus. Been a while since I woke up in the hospital."

Yami almost jumped when he felt something touch his hand, he realised that the soft-spoken person from before was kind enough to not leave him blind for longer and was handing him his glasses.

Would have been nicer if they had actually put them on him but still, he was willing to move his arms for sight at the moment.

He shuffled a little on the bed and slid his glasses on; his eyes struggled to get accustomed to the acute light as he looked at the person at his bedside.

"Yuugi," he said softly, he felt a rush of memories and the flush of embarrassment as he remembered the events that landed him in the hospital room. Only Yami fucking Atemu could wind up in the hospital room on a first date.

Fucking wonderful. Jou was never going to let him live it down. They would be eighty and he'd still bring it up. Not to mention he'd ruined his first date with an awesome guy. Chances are Yami's never going to get fucked by him. Screw every medical drama ever, no one ever fucks the guys that almost died on you, it's all lies.

Bet Murphy and Sod are fucking having chuckle fests over this one.

Yami coughed, sitting up abruptly and forgetting about any pain in his body. Oh thank God, he still had his pants on, that meant he hadn't been out for too long, he was not ready to be seen in a hospital gown by Yuugi. That shit was Third Drunk-Fuck material not First Ruined-Date material.

The curtains were drawn around the bed, giving Yami some privacy as his panicking lead him down the path from 'Date panicking' to 'Crap, did they call Jounouchi?' to 'Fucking hope they didn't call my parents, I'm too old for that shit'.

"So, how many times has a thirty-one year old man like yourself actually been in hospital?"

Yami shut his eyes; his mild embarrassment had skyrocketed into the area of abject humiliation now. When he was brave enough to open his eyes he realised that Yuugi was grinning at him in amusement, eyes dancing as if he couldn't believe just how adorable Yami was being.

Yami wasn't adorable, he was too old to be adorable, but he'd fucking take 'adorable' over 'old' right now. His ego needed soothing and that was, apparently, as close to soothing as it was going to get.

Yami straightened and replied, "About twenty times."

Yuugi's eyebrow lifted and Yami could tell he was about to ask for an elaboration but Yami continued before he could, "How long was I out during _this_ hospital visit?"

Yuugi leaned back into his chair, his white shirt stretched across his slender chest and Yami was glad that it was still clean and that he hadn't thrown up on it or anything. He really didn't need that happening on a date more than three times in one life time.

"About an hour, they attached you to a drip and gave you some steroids in the ambulance and the reaction had stopped by the time you got to the hospital. I should probably get the doctor actually, I think she wanted to ask you some things."

As Yuugi disappeared through the curtain before Yami could so much as utter a syllable, Yami patted his trousers down. He felt a bulge and fished out his phone, debating the idea of calling Jounouchi before thinking twice about failing hospital equipment and quickly sent a text of "in A&E, if I die, know that you suck" to him before turning the mobile off.

He sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the side, his stiff muscles groaning at the movement and debated whether or not he should go for a smoke. He decided that running off as his date went to get his doctor wasn't good first date etiquette, which begged the question: what kind of etiquette was required when you end up in the hospital on the first date?

He forgot about the fag as he replayed that night's disaster in his head. And it had all been going so well too! They'd been having good conversation, good food, some 'fuck me' eyes over the table. Now, it's ended up in hospital. This was _not_ where he'd wanted the night to end. He'd hoped it would have been at his apartment. With chocolate syrup being used as lube in filthy, athletic sex.

Somehow he doubted Yuugi would want to fuck a man covered in… Yami gave his hands a closer look, Jesus were those hives? What the hell did he eat?

A woman dressed in scrubs passed through the curtains in a fine moment of timing. Yuugi followed swiftly after. Yami's inners squabbled over the fact that Yuugi was in here. Inner Cynic argued over how he had no privacy and Yuugi already knew about Yami's age and if he stayed any longer chances were Yuugi would find out about Tijuana, the yoghurt and the hookers, because people who stayed around Yami long enough _always_ found out about Tijuana, the yoghurt and hookers. Inner Romantic argued that it was the stuff of epic romances that Yuugi wished to stay and know if Yami was all right, and that everyone, everywhere, already knew about Tijuana, the yoghurt and hookers _anyway _because Jounouchi had taken pictures, Facebooked it and tagged everyone to said pictures. Yami squished both of them and paid attention to the nice doctor, ignoring his brain.

"Mr Atemu, good evening, how are you feeling?"

Yami smiled snidely, "Oh, just peachy."

The doctor raised an eyebrow at his tone and tapped her pen against the clipboard in her hands.

"Hn, I would like to know if you have any allergies I should know about."

"Mushrooms, but I didn't have any mushrooms tonight. It was a mushroom free night."

The doctor scribbled something down on a form, she spoke without taking her eyes off the paper, "We might have to take some blood out to run some tests then, are you sure there weren't any mushrooms, some different type of fungi? They could cause allergic reactions also."

Yuugi made a strange noise of surprise, he guiltily looked at Yami before speaking to the doctor, "Could truffles have caused that sort of reaction?"

Yami's eyebrows shot up in surprise and remembered eating some of Yuugi's sauce. His gorgeous date had almost killed him with gorgeous sauce. Fantastic.

The doctor looked at them both like they were two of the most stupid people in the entire world and replied with "Yes, it's a pretty closely related fungi, I'd stay clear from all edible fungi from now on, Mr Atemu."

Yami, already embarrassed, almost _died_ when she continued, "And you should get yourself some E45 for your rash."

Yami refused to look anywhere as he stood up, he nodded at the doctor in thanks and hoped Yuugi was following him as he walked out of the A&E all the while wishing the earth would open up and swallow him whole. Actually, that wasn't good enough. Someone just needed to shoot him and put him out of his misery.

That was the way to go nowadays anyway.

* * *

Yami didn't even have a chance to throw his keys on the table next to his front door before a voice rang through his apartment.

"What the fuck, man?"

Yami jumped a foot in the air and automatically threw his keys in the direction of the voice, already denying in his mind that he squealed like a complete ninny because of Jounouchi and one of his surprise 'sits in the dark and scares Yami' visits.

Yami glared at Jounouchi as he slipped out of his shoes and went straight into the kitchen, his body on autopilot as he slipped a couple of wine glasses from the cupboard and a bottle from the rack.

"You know, you screaming like a complete girl never gets old. You'd think you'd have changed the locks by now."

"I shouldn't have to fucking change the locks, you freak. You should just stop doing it before you kill me. Or I kill you. Someday shit's going to go down and then we're both screwed."

Jounouchi waved him off and stole a glass of wine, "So what happened to your face?"

Yami glared at Jounouchi, "Oh nothing, the usual. Had some nice conversation, ate a nice dinner and then I almost suffocated all over him because I'm apparently allergic to truffles too. You know, the usual."

Jounouchi pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes and squeaked.

Yami sighed, "Just get it over with, Jou."

Jounouchi burst out into laughter.

The blond breathed in deeply and between chuckles managed to squeeze out, "Only _you_ could almost die on the first date you've had in _years_. Forget not liking relationships, _this_ is the true reason why you never make it past date three. You suck at them."

"I fucking _love _you, Jou. Seriously, I needed this after tonight." Yami gulped down the rest of the wine in his glass, barely tasting any of the rich liquid. Yami poured himself another glass and moved towards the sofa in the living room, taking the bottle with him.

"Oh come on! It can't be that bad, what happened before you almost died?"

"We barely had one conversation before I couldn't breathe. And you know what the worst thing about this is?"

Jounouchi gave him an expectant look while taking a sip of wine.

Yami continued, "I didn't even get to sleep with him and now he's probably never going to come back to my shop. I lost a fuck _and_ a customer in one night."

"And gained some nice little rashes too. Hey, speaking of rashes, do you remember Tijuana?"

Yami groaned and banged his head against the back of the sofa. Repeatedly. He let out an unintelligible sound that sounded a lot like a mixture between a growl and a baby's gurgle.

"You're an _absolute ninja_ of the spoken word, Yami. I'm very impressed," deadpanned Jounouchi. "Now stop that, what good is giving yourself more brain damage than you already have going to do?"

"You're just lovely."

"Plying me with compliments will get you nowhere, Yami, you know our love can never be," the blond replied dramatically before patting Yami's shoulder comfortingly. "You need to stop being so pessimistic. If he calls he calls, if he doesn't he doesn't. _Que sera, sera_ and some other hippy shit like that. I mean, think about it, the sea is full of hot guys that want to shag you…" Yami gave him a pointed look, "Okay, so your sea is a little more limited and rather the size of an Argos children's pool but what do you expect? Your longest relationship has been with a bag of coffee beans!"

Yami started thumping his head again.

"Are we done talking about this? After I got your text I figured that the night had gone to shit and we needed some action therapy. Did you get my texts by the way?"

Yami shook his head, remembering that he'd turned his mobile off. He slipped it out of his pocket and turned it back on. He scrolled through the multitude of Jounouchi's increasingly crazy texts about which films to watch; _Die Hard_ ("All four parts, don't you dare argue with me, Yami") or James Bond ("He's a smooth motherfucker, I don't care how many STDs he has"). All that the last text from Jounouchi said was "JOHN MCCLANE!" which gave Yami the inkling that _Die Hard_ had won the battle for Action Movie Night.

Yami's eyebrows rose in complete surprise when he found a couple of texts from Yuugi on his phone. Considering he hadn't given Yuugi his number he was more than a little bit confused.

_I apologise in advance, but I took the liberty of adding my number to your phone while you were unconscious. I was really bored as the only magazine they had was an outdated Sugar from July 2001. Have _you_ ever heard of a group called LFO?_

Yami was a bit creeped out before he realised that Yuugi had been in his trouser pocket. He felt strangely aroused and amused by this. He scrolled to the other message he'd sent.

_I had a great time tonight, maybe next time though I could be the one that ends up in hospital. _

"Right, I got the fourth one too. It's Willis at his best, I don't care what you say!"

Yami just hummed and refused to argue over the last instalment of the _Die Hard_ series because all that was going through his mind at that moment was Yuugi's text and the words 'next time' over and over.

* * *

AN: Um... hi? It's been a while. And I won't make a excuses, I suck pretty hard and I'm sorry for not updating sooner. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was pretty fun to write too, I think I may have a gone a little crazy but yeah. Also, if people didn't get the title, it's like a mash-up of 'Die Another Day', a James Bond film and 'Live Free or Die Hard', the fourth Die Hard film, with a little of my own genius in there, lol. Again, sorry for the wait, hope you enjoyed it!


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